velvet dragon


How to Annoy People on an Elevator

Trapped! Trapped!

  1. Go into labor.
  2. Every time the elevator moves start yelling "The G-Forces! The G-Forces!"
  3. Get in and face the back of the elevator.
  4. Say, "Hey, is there enough oxygen in here?" start to gasp, and pass out.
  5. When a person asks you to press a floor's button, press the button for the floor directly above it.
  6. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder. When they turn around shrug your shoulders and look around.
  7. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
  8. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push all the buttons so that the elevator stops at every floor, then say "is everyone happy now?"
  9. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for your friend, after a while let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
  10. Bounce a superball around the elevator. When it hits someone say, "He doesn't like you."
  11. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, scream, "That's mine!!"
  12. Stand in the corner, reading a telephone book, laughing.
  13. Bring a camera, take a group picture then say "I want to remember you just the way you were."
  14. Move your desk into the elevator and when ever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
  15. Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserve energy."
  16. Leave a brown paper wrapped box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
  17. Ask, "Did you feel that? I felt a rumble. Weird."
  18. Push the call button and when the voice answers, ask, "Mom?"
  19. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  20. Calmly inform others of your homicidal tendencies while insanely laughing.
  21. Carry a big box with holes punched in it, then ask someone if they want to see a REALLY BIG snake.
  22. Stare at a person for a long time, then say out loud, "Oh my God, you're one of THEM!!" then walk to a far end of the elevator.
  23. Right when the doors close, let everyone know that if you get stuck, the firemen will help get you out.
  24. Look around for a moment and then say "Hey, I wonder if you can really climb out the top of one these things." Then proceed to do so.
  25. Say in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
  26. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  27. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
  28. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
  29. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
  30. Blow spit bubbles.
  31. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
  32. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
  33. Wear yours upside-down.
  34. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  35. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  36. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
  37. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
  38. Shadow box.
  39. Shave.
  40. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
  41. Bring a chair along.
  42. Sing "Mary had a Little Lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
  43. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  44. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
  45. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

    Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

  46. Do Tai Chi exercises.
  47. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"
  48. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  49. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
  50. Meow occasionally.
  51. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go..." then sigh and say "Oops!"
  52. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
  53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
  54. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
  55. If someone asks you to push the button, look at them in horror and cower in the corner of the elevator.
  56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
  57. Start a sing-along.
  58. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
  59. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
  60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
  61. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
  62. Bring a chair along.
  63. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
  64. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  65. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
  66. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
  67. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
  68. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
  69. Jump up and down as the elevator descends, yelling "Go faster! Go faster!"
  70. Call out each floor you pass, loudly.
  71. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
  72. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
  73. Lean against the button panel.
  74. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Noogie patrol coming!"
  75. Leave a box between the doors.


search velvetdragon.com

:: tserisa :: dragons :: spirituality :: art :: etc :: contact ::

© Tserisa A. C. Supalla